SNAIL PLAN 2020

What the Hell I'll Just Get Into it!

HI I'M DEADXTER (I DIDN'T UPLOAD LAST WEEK) AND TODAY ALL OTHER STORIES HAVE BEEN SET BACK DUE TO A SHOCKING NEW HEADLINE WITH REPORTS COMING IN ALL OVER THE COUNTRY. THE FOLLOWING STORY IS SO SHOCKING IT HAS RENDERED ME INCAPABLE OF USING COMMAS OR LOWER CASE LETTERS WHEN I'M REPORTING SO I SHALL REFRAIN FROM DOING SO THROUGHOUT THE ENTIRETY OF THIS BLOG.

If it's not broken, don't fix it." -A real human being

UNFORTUNATELY, I DISAGREE WITH A REAL HUMAN BEING AS THE ISSUE AT HAND DID INDEED NEED SERIOUS FIXING (HEH INDEED NEED SOUNDS FUNNY IF YOU SAY IT OUT LOUD). YOU MIGHT PROBABLY BE WONDERING WHAT COULD CAUSE SUCH OUTRAGE TO A HUMBLE AND COMPLETELY LEGITIMATE NEWS REPORTER SUCH AS MYSELF. 

THE ANSWER IS TFL. 

IT'S TOOTING STATION PART 2.

"I thought it was next week." -Dexter's friend

DESPITE THE TRANSPORT SERVICE PROVIDING THEIR BEST EFFORTS TO FIX THE ABYSMAL STATE OF THE TRAINS OR 'UPDATING THE SYSTEM FOR THE MODERN AGE' AS THEY PUT IT. UNFORTUNATELY EVERYTHING HAS GONE HORRIBLY WRONG. THEY HAVE SOMEHOW ACTUALLY MANAGED TO MAKE TRAIN PUNCTUALITY WORSE THAN IT WAS BEFORE.

"I hate you Dexter!!11111!one!!11one!11!" -A less real human being

TRAIN CANCELLATIONS AND DELAYS HAVE HIT A NEW HIGH IN THE REALM OF TOOTING AND SEVERAL PEOPLE HAVE ALREADY BEEN KILLED WAITING FOR A TRAIN TO ARRIVE. CAUSE OF DEATH? OLD AGE. THAT WAS HILARIOUS AND YOU KNOW IT.

                                                                   

This is rumored to be the poster
TFL used to promote the change
 during the 2020 campaign.

WE ARE YET TO HEAR FROM TFL THEMSELVES REGARDING THE MATTER BUT ONE THING IS FOR SURE... THE TRAINS WILL NEVER BE THE SAME ON TIME AGAIN. DEAR GOD SOMEBODY DO SOMETHING. I WAS FINE WITH THE TIMETABLE CHANGE BUT NOT THIS. THIS IS RUBBING SALT IN AN ALREADY GAPING WOUND.

IF YOU ARE READING THIS NOW FOLLOW MY ADVICE AT ONCE. SAVE YOURSELF. TAKE THE DAMN TUBE. 

Note

Kurosawa part 2 next week bois.

-Dexter


Comments

  1. DexterWhoMay 25, 2018 at 10:38 AM

    No comment award this week. The post next week will be longer to make up for 2 weeks of shortness.

    ReplyDelete
  2. DexterWhoMay 27, 2018 at 1:57 PM

    Yo I don't wanna comment a billion times on my own blog but I just wanted to say a picture got taken down from this, I THINK on the grounds that I copied and pasted it directly from the website. However, if you know if this is not the reason, then please do notify me as I put the picture back up (Using my usual method) and I'll take it down again because I don't want to get into any kind of trouble. Thanks.

    ReplyDelete
  3. UnknownMay 28, 2018 at 4:04 AM

    I recommend taking an hallucinogenic broth whilst waiting on the platform, (ayahuasca perhaps), and using the time to undertake a spiritual vision quest. You may receive a visit from your spirit animal, though in this case I suspect that might well turn out to be a snail...

    ReplyDelete

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