What is soup my fellow Interdimensional Toasters

C'est moi! Dexfrance! Back with another long rant! YOU'RE WELCOME!

The 7 wonders of Tooting Station

Hey hey, it looks like i actually kept my promise of  writing twice this week. Truth be told, i'm actually starting to enjoy writing on here. Whilst I think about the humour for this post and pull up Pexels, you can begin to guess the theme for this post. Oh wait, i already put it in the title. So here we are, THE 7 WONDEROUS WONDERS OF TOOTING STATION! People who know me will also know how much i like to go on about how my time at Tooting Station is not exactly the highlight of my week. They know because i talk about it. A lot. So, what exactly are the fatal attractions that draw people from all over the... nearby area to this place of magic and fulfilment?

In Ascending order:

7. The fox urine. When one puts one's bag on top of the salt grit thing that you aren't meant to sit on but everyone sits on anyway, one must be wary of not letting it fall down the back. I still remember the fateful day when i sat atop my kingdom of slip hazard-reducing granules when a lady i had never met walked up to me and said:

"Hey you know foxes like to pee behind there?"

-Some lady, Two Thousand and something. Truly an inspirational quote.

The fact is; foxes are lovely animals, but their urine is not. I know this from the smell at the back of the salt grit thing.

6. The gum on the floor. There is a lot of this. Whilst most stations will become a victim of spit related crime during their lifetime, what really hits me is the sheer scale of the stuff littering every corner of the station. It's like the gumpocalypse. I guess people in Tooting really like to chew, huh.

Five. The weather

The weather at Tooting Station is like this but much, much worse.

D. I'm running out of things to say. there are not many wonders of Tooting station.

-3.  The train being cancelled. This happens not a lot, but far more often than some other services. It is highly annoying and it takes me ages to get to where i want to go on an alternative route. Schmadiggle it, Tooting Station! What's more, the trains only run every half an hour.

9245. They don't know how it happened. For a while, everything was fine, but then it just... showed up one day. Nobody knew how it got there. Nobody knew why it was there. Nobody dared question it. It just came. 

The cordoned off area of legend:

There was this one time when an extremely small section of the station was cordoned off with some flimsy cones for apparently no reason at all. the affected area was tiny and there was no feasable damage. I guess the station lords just really don't want people walking in that one spot. I can picture it now... FOR GOD'S SAKE TIMMY GET OUT THE TINY SPOT DAMMIT.

Numeroski uno: THE DEAD PIGEONS. OH MY THERE WERE THREE DEAD PIGEONS AT THE STATION AT ONCE ONE TIME AND ONE OF THEM WAS DANGLING OFF A PIECE OF BARBED WIRE, STRUNG UP AGAINST A DANGER HIGH VOLTAGE SIGN AND - hold on a minute i need to breathe - IT LITERALLY LOOKED LIKE SOMETHING SAYING 'PIGEONS BEWARE' TO WARD OFF PIRATE PIGEONS I DON'T REALLY KNOW IF THERE ARE ANY PIRATE PIGEONS AND ACTUALLY THAT WOULD BE COOL BUT OOOOOHHHH MYYY.

BUt dExTRE, IT Cnat BEe THaT bDA-

Shut up. yes it is.

btU REtXed, Wut iF SoMeOnE FOrm ToOTInG STatiON sEEs tHiS?

Shut u- oh that's a good point actually. I sincerely hope they do not. And if they do, don't take it to heart - a lot of this is hyperbole. Also, don't take it personally. The state it's in probably isn't your fault.

Interaction

Thanks to those who gave feedback last time.

1. I need ideas for made up profanity.

2. Should i tackle a more serious topic (But still with jokes) next week?

Be nice in the comment section, as usual.

-Dexter